TANGENT SUNSET CLUELESS RADIO by Alex Cosper

Clueless Radio is a fictional story about an alternative station failing in ratings and sales but experiences occasional flashes of success. At one time the station had great ratings and dominated the market but a new regime with a new focus has erased the station's influence in the market. What could they be doing that is so wrong?

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Chapter 2: "Heads Roll" (part b)
return to the beginning of Chapter 2: "Heads Roll" (part a)

Heichman slammed down the phone and put on his clothes. He told his wife he had to get to work a little early this morning. He didn't even take a shower or shave, but he did give himself a few extra moments to drink several shots of whiskey.

He stormed out of the house and drove off in his car. He was so angry he ran a red light. Then he got on the freeway in bumper to bumper traffic. He got so frustrated he started dangerously weaving between cars, trying to beat the mad morning rush. He made it to the right shoulder and began passing up slow traffic. Just as he was slowing down and moving left back into traffic he saw a bright red flash in his mirror. "Pull over to the right shoulder," said a voice on a loud speaker.

Meanwhile, back at the station, Jarz had stopped trying to be an entertainer and was now just playing lots of music and doing very tight bits. He finished his show without even doing a crossover with Jennifer.

"Where's Candy?" asked Jennifer, who was probably the only one at the station who hadn't heard that Jarz was supposed to have gotten blown out.

"I don't know, I think she quit," said Jarz. "But that's good news for you because now you can move up to mornings."

"What happened?" she asked, looking worried.

"I really couldn't tell you, other than she's not working out. She's unreliable, she's not very smart and she sounds like my grandmother. We need someone hip. I'm telling you, Jennifer, good things are about to happen around here."

Jarz walked down the hall expecting Heichman to be waiting for him. He looked around but saw no sign of the GM. Then Jarz went to his office and turned on his computer. The receptionist buzzed him and asked if he wanted to take a music call. "Yeah, sure," he gladly agreed. Jarz liked talking to record reps. He thought he was faking them out that he actually decided on the adds. He got off on the power trip of it all.

"Hey Tim," said Mike Stornley, a familiar voice. "I heard you were leaving the station."

"Huh? Who told you that?"

"I read it off of a fax from one of the trades. It must have been a misprint. Hey, I wanted to talk with you about this new Mr. Peroxide record. It's really starting to light up the phones in a lot of places." Mike started talking at a faster pace. "It got 50 spins last week at The Dungeon, Jericho says he's opened it up to all dayparts even morning drive, the album isn't even in stores yet and we're already getting orders for it and believe it or not, Steel wants to add it."

"Well, I guess I better look at it then," said Jarz, pretending to be the guy. "Any chance we can get them for a show?"

"Unfortunately they're touring in Europe for the next nine months then they're going back into the studio. But you gotta play this record on its own merit, plus it's about to blow up big. You don't want to wait too long on this one."

"Yeah," said Jarz, running out of rebuttals. "I guess it's hot. Let me get back with you later in the week." Jarz got buzzed again so he put the record rep on hold and picked up the other line. It was Paneela.

"Well I guess it's just you now," said Paneela, who was still waiting to hear from the other radio group if he got the consulting gig or not. He figured he got it, though, since everything went so well last night. So he kind of jumped the gun telling Jarz, "yeah, I just got picked up by another company, so as of today I'm no longer consulting Clueless."

"Congratulations," said Jarz. "I always knew you'd move on to bigger and better things. So who are you going to be working for?"

"I can't tell you right now," said Paneela. "But I'm gonna save you from that hell hole. Let's keep in touch."

Jarz went back to Mike on the other line and said, "I'll tell you what, Mike. I'm gonna add your record next week."

"Excellent!" said the overjoyed rep. "Can I call it in now?"

"Absolutely," said the suddenly carefree PD. Jarz didn't particularly like the Mr. Peroxide record, nor did he even believe it would be a hit. It just felt good to make a decision and make someone happy.

Meanwhile, Heichman was trying to decide who he should call. There were certain people who he didn't want to know that he had been arrested for drunk driving. There were actually several other charges such as driving over the speed limit without a fastened seatbelt with an expired license. He also didn't have insurance due to his hatred for insurance companies all because they wouldn't advertise on his station. Most insurance companies saw the Clueless audience as an undesirable market. Authorities also found a loaded gun in his trunk, which he never used for anything. He just had to have a gun to show off to the boys at the lodge.

He couldn't call corporate, he couldn't call his wife and he couldn't call his lawyer, whom he owed lots of cash. It had to be someone soft on crime. The only one he could think of was Paneela. They went way back.

Paneela sat by his phone waiting for something to happen. It finally rang. He grabbed the phone before it could ring again. He answered in a super-upbeat slick voice, "Yes?"

"Jeff it's Wally."

Paneela's enthusiasm suddenly dropped a notch. "Oh, hi," he said, already sorry he didn't let the call go to voicemail.

"Jeff, I'm sorry about this morning. I over-reacted. I want you back on the team." The two patched things up for the next few minutes before Heichman finally dropped the bombshell, "I'm being held on false charges. I need someone to bail me out." Paneela didn't really want to go anywhere because he was hoping to meet with the other company again today. But because it was not a done deal, he still needed a job so he agreed to bail out Heichman.

When the two got back to the station they went looking for Jarz, who had already gone home for the day. They tried calling him but all they got was his answering machine. Since Heichman insisted that Jarz was out, Paneela was forced to leave this pathetic message:

"Tim, it's Jeff. Look, I'm not leaving Clueless after all. I'll be in tomorrow to meet with you. I'm also letting you take tomorrow morning off because I want to hear what Jennifer sounds like. I never get to listen to her. Besides, you've been working too hard. Let's meet at noon."

It was pathetic because if Paneela were able to be at the station at noon why couldn't he just listen to Jennifer then? It was now after business hours and everyone had gone home except Python, who was on the air, and Jennifer, who was in the production room.

Paneela popped his head in the door. "Jennifer, you got a minute?"

"Sure," she said. She didn't really know Paneela that well. She didn't even know he was the station consultant. She had met him a few times but she just figured he was just some client.

"I want to talk with you about a position that's opening up here."

"Oh, you mean mornings with Tim?"

Paneela had not yet even heard about Candy walking off the show. Paneela didn't even ask what she meant, he was too busy gazing into her beautiful eyes. "No, I was actually thinking more like mornings without Tim. You and Candy in the morning plus the PD gig."

"Is Tim leaving?" she asked.

"Just between you and me, Tim's gone. He'll find out tomorrow. It wasn't working out. His programming did not produce the results we were looking for so we're going to make a change."

Jennifer was beginning to sense Paneela's authority. "Yes," she said with excitement. "I'm very interested in both positions. Does that mean I'll get a raise?"

Paneela grinned. "Well, now I can't give you everything all at once. You'll still make what you're making now but think of the great opportunity. PD gigs are very hard to come by these days. I think it would be very advantageous for you to take the job now and in six months if you can get the numbers up there won't be any question over more money. In fact, we'll be talking a lot more money. The job is yours if you want it."

"I want it," she said, giving Paneela a hug. "When do I start?"

"Let's get you started with the morning show tomorrow and then let's talk next week about the PD position."

The next morning turned out to be even stranger than the one before. At 5:53 am Python signed off, completing an eleven hour shift. Plato never showed. He actually thought he had been fired by Jarz, who didn't even have authority to fire interns. Candy wasn't coming in because she actually quit without telling anyone. Jennifer, who was never late before, overslept because she wasn't used to waking up that early. And now Jarz, who never checked his messages until they were several days old, arrived and was about to go on the air. This time, however, it would be his last hurrah.

End of Chapter 2. Continue to Chaper 3.

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