TANGENT SUNSET

COMMON CREEPS by Alex Cosper

How are you dealing with record high gas prices? (8/29/05)

respondent quote
UNKNOWN SKEPTIC: I've boycotted oil almost completely. My home has solar panels and I don't have to drive anywhere because I work from home. If the rest of the country followed my lead, the people, as opposed to oil companies, would be in control of this nation's destiny.
MR. BIG BIZ: I'll tell ya, rising oil prices may hurt most of the economy, but since I'm an oil investor I've seen nice gains in my portfolio. I'm very bullish on oil.
WORKER JOE: Man, now I have to ride my bicycle to work. My job doesn't even pay enough for me to put gas in my tank anymore. What used to be my gas money has become my lunch money. Of course, if I had a car that got more than 5 miles per gallon, it might be a different story, but I only drive muscle cars, cuz my friends would laugh at me if I didn't.
COLLEGE STUDENT: I ride the bus or other forms of mass transportation to class. Sometimes I carpool with friends. I found some people on Craigslist to carpool with every Friday. Next semester I'll still be taking 15 units, but I'll just go two days a week instead of five. So you can see, we can all make adjustments in our lifestyles, but most people won't because all they know how to do is panic.
OLD MAN WICKER: I've had to stop driving all together so that I can put my money to better use, which is to buy more pharmaceutical drugs. Now that they've taken drugs off the market that turned out to cause heart attacks, I've had to replace those drugs with other drugs, just to feel safe that I'm taking the right amount of drugs, based on all the TV commercials.
GOOFBALL GREG: I've managed to not care about gas prices since I use a stolen credit card to buy gas. I don't know who pays for it, but I fill my tank up every other day. I also get away with stealing stuff online, thanks to how easy identity theft turns out to be. Everything's a rip off anyway, so it's not like I'm making things any worse.
JACK OF ALL TRADES: I just pay whatever the price is and I don't concern myself with it. I figure gas prices will eventually come down to below a dollar a gallon anyway. I trust that Bush, who comes from the oil industry, will figure out a way to bring gas prices down (sound effects producer: play laugh track here).











© 2005 by Alex Cosper. All Rights Reserved.